You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
