I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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