Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
