There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
