...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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