Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
