Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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