I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
