Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
