You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
