I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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