Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
