I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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