Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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