Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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