In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
