I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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