No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
