if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
