I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
