I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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