I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
