He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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