I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
