Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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