I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
