so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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