plz talk dirty to me
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
