My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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