Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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