I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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