I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i came on her dog
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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