no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
