I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
