if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
