I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
