The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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