you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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