I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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