Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
