i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
