She said her name was "party"
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
