i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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