i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
