Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
