We're like a lot better than the average bears
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
