Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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