i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
