He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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