She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Damn victory sex feels great
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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