id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
