The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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